I am not sure what all to believe in the news. Sadly, the things that I keep hearing are terrifying to me. The idea that I may not be able to watch my girls grow up or live the life that I have planned out for us, scares me greatly. I have talked a bit about my weight loss and my growth in my personal journey of going back to school after a domestic violence relationship. I have goals and dreams and for the first time in my life I can say that I am doing the work it takes to achieve my goals for myself.
I don’t know if the stuff in the news is real or not. I don’t know if it is some terrible nightmare meant to scare people into doing something that is bigger then I can imagine. All I know is I am scared. I am worried for the future of my kiddos and I am afraid that all that I am working for, will be for not. It makes me wonder if going to work and sending my babies to school is worth it. Should I just get a bunker and store up on food and water and clothes for my babies and I? Should I spend what little money I have on fun things so I can try and do some of the things I have wanted to do with my girls while I can? Of course because who really knows what to believe and what to do, I will just continue on with my growth and I will pray each day that good things will happen for us. I will send my girls to dance lessons, encourage them to learn everything they can, I will read to them from fairy tales and let them have grand imaginations of what they will be when they grow up. I will play with my girls and teach them to be silly, strong and smart. I will teach my girls to be polite to others and care for others.
I feel like I have to write my personal dreams out there into the world for myself. Maybe if I put it out there into the world wide web that things are set in stone somehow and my dreams may come true. It may sound silly and random but I imagine that if I send my goals, aspirations and dreams out like a boomerang it will come back to me with some of the things I have sent out.
I dream about meeting a man who will love me for me, who will cherish my imperfections and help me to achieve my goals in life, who will love my girls and treat them with respect. I dream of a beautiful wedding that allows me to celebrate my love and my family. Growing old with someone who loves me and my girls as much as I love him.Who spoils me as well as keeps me level headed.
I dream about my girls as they grow up to be healthy, strong, loving, happy, beautiful young woman. I dream they will have big goals in life and that they will put hard work into being where they want to be in life. I want a strong love and friendship with my girls, I want them to come to me with all of their problems and I want them to trust me with everything. I imagine them being involved in different school and extra curricular activities and bringing their friends over to the house all of the time.
I want to live in a large clean, newer house with at least 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, that has a master-bedroom with large walk-in closet and bathroom. I would like my house to have a 2 car garage, fenced in backyard and nice neighbors. I would like to get a car big and safe enough for my family and a couple of their friends. I would like to take family vacations at least every other year to new places so I can show the world to my girls.
I know this sounds silly to write out on my blog for others to see, but I am not ashamed of myself. I am not afraid of someone thinking that it sounds ridiculous to be a dreamer. I am really writing for me and for my girls to look back on and see the kind of person I was when I was “younger.”
What are your dreams and hopes for your life?